"Go away, Nodwydd," said Bella flatly. "I don't want to talk to you, or any of your family, and I don't want you near me or my son."

"Why?" asked Noddy simply. "We didn't kill Zell - and at least we're willing to talk to him. You've hurt him, you know, staying silent."

"Nodwydd, Zell is dead, all right? Quit talking about him like he's just out of town! He's dead and I'll never see him again..." Her voice on the other side of the door was choked, as though she were fighting back tears. Noddy lowered his voice, spoke quietly and gently as if he were addressing a skittish chocobo.

"Never's a long time, Bella. Nothing on this side of life is forever, nothing at all. Please, may I come in and talk to you? I don't think you want the neighbors knowing the details of your private life."

The door wrenched open suddenly, causing Noddy - who was leaning on it - to stumble rather ungracefully inside. Bella was older now than when he'd last seen her, of course. She looked a little tired and very sad, and she pointed through a doorway to a sitting room. "We can talk there. Kiel's upstairs and I'd rather he not be able to eavesdrop by sitting on the staircase."

Nodwydd nodded, and chose a seat, waiting.

Bella chose a seat on the other side of the room, and stared fixedly at him. "Suppose you tell me what you're doing here. And where the others are."

Nodwydd shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't do that just yet," he said apologetically. "You see...no one's supposed to know we're back. Father's probably going to have my ears when he finds out I've contacted you."

"Why?" asked Bella bitterly. "Is he afraid I'll kill his son the way he killed my boyfriend?"

Nodwydd frowned. "I saw what happened, Bella," he said firmly, but still gently. "My father did not kill Zell. In his way, he loves Zell."

"Bullshit," snapped Bella. "He didn't even shed a tear when Zell bled to death. You can't watch someone you care about die without shedding tears. SeeD took Squall's soul - he couldn't care about someone else if he tried."

Nodwydd stood up, began to pace around the room. It was, unfortunately, a habit he shared with his grandfather - unable to sit still when agitated. At least he was spared the leg cramps. "I saw what happened," he repeated. "I was only ten, but I saw. Bella...my father gave up his own chance to say farewell to Zell so you would have it instead. He didn't think you would turn farewell into good-bye, though."

"What else was it supposed to be? He was going to be held at Garden for a while, he would've lived to see Kiel born - if he hadn't gotten between Squall and that gun. Nodwydd, Zell is dead. That's permanent. That's your 'forever'. I have to remember that he's not coming back - that he's not going to ever see Kiel grow up."

"Yes, he's dead Bella," said Nodwydd. "But he hasn't stopped. There is still a Zell Dincht - and he still walks and talks and jokes and the only reason you're not talking to him is because you choose not to. He could watch Kiel grow up, if you would give your son one of the earrings that Griever made for you. And you both could talk to him, if you were willing to let Irvine help you. Bella...you're the one who shut him out. One of the reasons I chose to come to Balamb is that Zell is my friend and I'd like you to quit hurting him like this."

"You can't hurt the dead," said Bella quietly - like a snake weaving before a pounce.

"You can't hurt him physically, Bella, that's true. You can't punch him and make it hurt. But we both know there are other kinds of hurt, now don't we?"

There was silence in the room as Bella thought it over. "You haven't said why you're here," she said after a while.

"I'd need your word that you won't speak of my presence or anything else I tell you to Seifer, first," said Nodwydd quietly. "I'm sorry to have to do that, but I don't have a choice. My brothers and sisters and I...we can't risk being caught by Seifer."

"Why?" said Bella snidely. "You'd make perfect SeeDs. Wouldn't even need to give you GFs."

"Because we don't want to fight!" snapped Nodwydd, his patience at an end. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry for shouting," he continued, "but you must understand. Our father didn't want to be a killer. He didn't enjoy the life he was forced to lead, however talented he might have been at it. We - all of us - are enough like him to share that distaste. But we're technically wards of Balamb Garden, because Father was officially recorded as dead when he found us. Bella...Seifer knows we exist. He knows what powers we have, and he knows our names. What he doesn't know is when we returned, what we look like, or where we are. He would like very much to get all of us back in Garden, make SeeDs of us so he can direct where our powers are used and against whom. For my part, I'd probably let him have Daear if it didn't mean he'd get the rest of us as well - but that's just it. All he has to do is find one of us...just one...and the other five are in trouble."

Bella looked down. "Kiel wants to be a SeeD," she said, "but I can't let him. He's all I've got left."

Nodwydd shrugged, sat down again. "I might be able to help there, but I don't really know. If it's something he really wants to do, I doubt you'll be able to talk him out of it. I can tell you honestly that I won't encourage it, if that helps you."

The fight seemed to drain out of Bella, and she leaned back in her chair with her eyes closed. "How could you help?" she asked, almost sleepily.

"Father and Zell...they told us a lot of stories about when they were cadets at Garden. From what I've gathered, it wasn't a very good experience for either of them a lot of the time. If Kiel is just thinking to improve his fighting technique, I can probably teach him as well as Garden could; Zell taught me everything I know. He could be a top-notch martial artist, with his flexibility and speed." He paused, considering how to frame what he had to say. "But Bella...Zell wanted to be a SeeD. He wanted the whole package - the fighting skills and the career of using them all over the world. That was the life he wanted. If Kiel wants it too...you're not going to be able to talk him out of it. If you try, you'll lose him just as surely as if some kid bashed his head in with a brick."

Bella flinched at the imagery, causing Nodwydd to consider her in a new light. Bella had been a SeeD - had seen far worse things, surely, than someone getting their head bashed in. Nodwydd had had nightmares for days after his father described his first battle. It wasn't so much people dying that bothered Nodwydd - it was how they died. But it seemed that in ten years away from SeeD, her nightmares had faded and she'd managed to embrace a fairly quiet lifestyle.

"I ought to kill you," she said, and for a moment Nodwydd thought he might have misjudged her. She continued, "Zell cared about you, I know he did. You were Laguna come alive again for him, his friend that he couldn't save. But you aren't Laguna. I don't care how much you look like him, you aren't Laguna!"

"I know, Bella," said Nodwydd quietly. "I love my grandfather too, and I'm proud to have people see him in me...but I'm not him. D'you see me getting leg cramps talking to a lady?" He grinned. "Zell didn't know me very well when he died, that's true. But he knows me very well now. I wasn't lying to you when I told you he's my friend. Please, Bella. Use the gifts you were given, and let Zell see you again. He wants to see you and Kiel so much."

"But I won't see him, will I?" asked Bella. "He will see me and hear me like I'm right next to him - oh yes, I've paid attention when the others told me about it. But I won't see him, and I won't hear his voice...just vague impressions of how he feels. Noddy, can't you understand that I want to see all of him? Not just ghosts, not just memories?"

"Then get hold of Irvine, and ask him to take you into eternity for visits," said Nodwydd simply. "He can do it, Bella, as often as you want to go. I know he'd agree to. Would it be any different than if you were on assignment?"

"And if Kiel decides he'd rather die so he can be with his father?" demanded Bella.

Nodwydd shook his head. "I think you've made the difference between living and dying very clear to him, Bella. But if it helps you...I'd be willing to keep an eye on him during the day. I've got a job at the night club on the docks at night, so you wouldn't have to worry about dealing with me if I bother you. But I'm strong and fast - you know how strong and fast - and Kiel won't wear me down. Just...don't let Seifer know I'm here. Don't let any SeeD outside the Six know I'm here. I don't want to have to fight."

"And if I did?" asked Bella. "If I called the Commander up and said 'here's one of your lost cadets'?"

"I'd leave Balamb," said Nodwydd honestly. "As fast as I could. Bella if he catches one of us, he can catch all of us. I've got to do my part to keep everyone safe. I don't want to have to fight...but if I do have to...well..." he shrugged. "I can probably get out of here, but people would get hurt."

"You would kill," said Bella flatly. "I remember your power, Nodwydd. You can't use it to disable, can you."

"No, I can't," agreed Noddy. "I wish I could, sometimes."

"Then how is it different, if you kill to stay free or you kill for Seifer? At least if you work for SeeD the deaths you are responsible for will be in a good cause."

Nodwydd's lips pressed together and his eyes began to darken. "Don't give me that 'good cause' crap, Bella," he snapped. "I know what SeeD thinks of 'good causes'! Yes, sometimes I'd be sent after people who really need a damn good kicking - but SeeD is a mercenary force, not an order for justice. At least half the missions I'd be sent on would be purely profit-seeking ventures. I'm sorry, Bella, but that's not a good enough reason to turn someone into hamburger." He stopped his pacing, leaned over her - his anger turning his eyes to a solid, frightening field of glittering black. "Bella, this life is not forever. You may not agree but to me if someone dies it is exactly like they've gone out of town. A town I'll be moving to myself one day. And when I do I have to deal with every life I've taken."

Abruptly he pushed back, walked over to the side of the room and took a seat - but his eyes revealed his temper, though they were beginning to fade back to human. "It's not that bad, really," he said. "I wouldn't mind dying as such - to be with my father again, and my grandparents, and Zell..." he shook his head. "I won't pretend to understand how you see it, Bella. All I know is, Father made me talk to the people I've killed that he could find, and they didn't want to die. It's on this side of life that things change, that things can change, and maybe that's what they missed. I don't know. But I haven't met too many people that really wanted to die - so if it's all right with you, I'm going to do my best not to kill them. And to do that I have to stay the hell away from SeeD. Seifer's too smart to kill me, when it's possible that he could force me to lead him to the others - or worse, use me as bait to draw them."

Bella watched him in silence for a while, thinking. "And Kiel? Would you kill for Kiel, as you would for your family?"

"Kiel is family, as far as I'm concerned," replied Nodwydd simply. "Zell is family, therefore Kiel is family."

More silence. Eventually, Bella nodded. "All right. For now, I won't tell anyone you're here. Or rather, the significance of who you are. If you manage to run across any SeeDs, though, I'm not helping you. My concern is Kiel, only Kiel."

Nodwydd blinked. "Of course he is, Bella," he said, surprised. "Did you think I was gonna ask you to be my new mommy or something?" He grinned. "I know I look fifteen, and sometimes the hormones make me sound fifteen - but Hyne, Bella, I've done a lot with my twenty years. Give me a little credit. I just didn't want you giving the Commander a buzz with my location in your hand, that's all. You're the only one in this town who's ever seen me before today."

"You were never in SeeD, Noddy," said Bella quietly. "You've never seen the field after a battle."

"No, I haven't," he replied, equally quietly, as he moved to go. "But I have seen the results of my own power, and Zell tells me that that is worse. I'll be down at the docks if you need me, Bella, but I have a job to get to."

Once free of the Dincht household, Noddy quickly regained his good cheer. The light of sunset turned Balamb into a rose-hued paradise, and he whistled rather tunelessly as he walked. It was a source of both amusement and pain to his brother Taran that Nodwydd couldn't carry a tune if it was killed and nailed to his back. For the most part the family had had to give him the drum set during evening games. The Planter had been founded in the days when the Garden was only a day's walk away, and its early custom had naturally been off-duty SeeDs. These days, with Balamb Garden flying Hyne-only-knew-where, The Planter was a teenage nightclub. Now that the sun was going down, it would be opening soon. Nodwydd re-tied his hair and tried to look fierce, but he was having a hard time not laughing. The idea that people could be afraid of him, under any circumstances, just seemed utterly ridiculous.

The owner met him at the door. "Come on, be quick," he said. "Your first night so we're putting you on the door. The metal detector goes off, the kid doesn't get in until he's proven clean. And if your buzzer goes off, you're needed inside."

"My buzzer?" asked Nodwydd, puzzled - then the owner handed him a beeper. "Oh."

"There's an automatic code in here that means 'everybody inside'. Sometimes a fight breaks out and we need all the bouncers on hand to break it up and get the instigators out the door. Those are so big you'll know them the minute your buzzer goes off - doesn't matter who's done what, everybody gets kicked out. Got it?"

"Got it," Nodwydd agreed. He looked at his outfit - pretty generic, a solid sky-blue T-shirt and khaki pants. "This okay for working in?"

"For now," said the owner. "But you'll want to get something tomorrow that'll make you look - you know, fierce. If you can intimidate 'em without having to punch their daylights out your job'll be easier." He clapped Noddy on the shoulder and indicated a spot by the door. "There's your post. Have fun."

Nodwydd was pretty much unique in the family in that he liked people. He didn't just watch them the way Taran did, nor did he try to manipulate them the way Daear did. He was far more social than the twins, who in general could take people or leave them, and he was clearly on the opposite side of the spectrum from Gwynt, who actually loathed people. Nodwydd enjoyed talking to people and learning about them and their lives, and being a part of a larger scene.

However, after fourteen fake IDs, two temper tantrums, a full two dozen attempts to sneak by him without paying the cover charge and one knock-down, drag-out fight where ten people were sent to the emergency room and another thirty ejected via the Flying Toss from the club...Nodwydd was beginning to wonder whether Gwynt might not have had a point somewhere. As the sun rose over Balamb, the only real comment Nodwydd had left on its beauty was that it meant finally, finally he could go to bed.

The owner stopped him just as he was heading for the stairs, the club relatively quiet under the hands of the day shift and the cleaning staff. "Hang on," he said. "You did really well tonight."

Nodwydd blinked, green eyes dark with exhaustion. "This job's harder than it looks," he managed. "But I'll get used to it."

The owner laughed. "Kid, you've outlasted some of my veterans tonight. We don't usually have this kind of trouble, but you've handled everything this place could throw at you and you're still standing. And you're a complete greenhorn at this, which makes it more impressive. I'll stick someone else on the door tomorrow night. I want you to work with the riot squad from here on in - you're better at busting up the brawls than you are at keeping the sneaks out."

Nodwydd was having a hard time forcing the facts to get through his skull, as tired as he was. "Fine by me," he managed at last. A lone coherent thought worked its way through his tired mind and knocked on his forebrain. "D's it come w'th a pay raise?"

"Yeah, it comes with a pay raise," said his boss. "So hopefully you can afford a more appropriate uniform for this job. Go get your sleep, kid."

Sleep. Hyne, that word sounded really really good right now. He wended his way to the back of the club where the heavy steel door was that barred the way to the private level upstairs. He unlocked it and stumbled up the stairs, vaguely wondering why the steps seemed closer than they had when he'd first climbed them earlier the previous day. Then he tried to remember when the last time he'd slept was, and concluded it was about two days ago. No wonder a full shift had worn him out - he'd already pushed himself a lot farther than he usually did.

Ah, there was the bed. The mattress could have been filled with nails and it would still have beckoned like a call to heaven. Nodwydd stumbled over to it and let gravity take over, asleep before he hit the pillow.